Recently, as some of you know, things have been shifting and changing in my life. I suppose that's not a big news flash...anyone who is doing any authentic living goes through ebbs and flows of change; it just seems like right now change is hard to track and easy to be overwhelmed by.
As I find myself further removed from Cambodia, I find myself mourning what I left there more and more. In and for both productive and non-productive reasons. I miss my family there. I miss my friends. I miss the simplicity and the reliability of life being absolutely absurd to the point of disbelief (as odd as it sounds, yes I miss it). I miss the openness I felt with my entire community. I miss the shared sense of responsibility and expectations. I miss the willingness of people to help without expectation of return.
So it's come to the point where missing those things is not just enough. I can't continually pine after things that once were...it's time for me to start rebuilding them here, with new people. New family. New friends. I'm operating under the assumption here, that "if you build it, they will come."
This begs the question, how does one go about the business of building such an integrated community? Good question. It definitely starts with relationships...and that's about as far as I've gotten on the formula so far. But I've started throwing in little bits and pieces of things here and there that, I believe, are helping me become a more well rounded, well versed human being. For instance, I've started hanging out with, and helping out, a group in my community called Transition Snoqualmie Valley. Their focus is to address things like the economic crisis, climate change and oil dependency with local means. They're really into permaculture and sustainable, responsible agriculture, they're really into community engagement and social responsibility, and they're really smart people. I'm enjoying getting to know them.
I'm also working my butt of to get another promotion at work. Where I am is not where I want to be. I've identified a place where I think I could make some significant improvements, and I'm doing whatever I can to find myself in that place. It's slow going, because there is a timeline (a very poorly thought out one, but a timeline nonetheless) in place that I have to. It's an exercise of changing the system from within the system, I suppose.
I'm also growing much more intentional about my relationships. I don't want people in my life that aren't willing to invest in me as much as I do in them. I want people who are doing their level best to let their yes mean yes and no mean no. I want people who operate with integrity AND a sense of adventure...socially and romantically. I am not willing to settle for left overs when I work REALLY hard to cook up some quality offerings. There must be balance. I need more balance.
That's where I am...I feel unbalanced. I feel out of control in some areas and very tightly clamped down in others. I want stability.
I need stability.
